


Write Truth On These Scars (Cause They're Only Lies)

by aliitvodeson



Series: Coin Comes Down Heads [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, FTM Trans, First Meeting, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Trans Male Character, accidental triggers, flash backs, mentions of abuse, mentions of transphobia, not canon compliant beyond the lab scene in TGG, pre and post transition surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2390876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliitvodeson/pseuds/aliitvodeson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they meet, John has perfect skin and a flawless smile.<br/>The next time, there's scars over his entire body and closed lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Write Truth On These Scars (Cause They're Only Lies)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Johniarty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johniarty/gifts).



> Dedicated to most wonderful man, human for that matter, that I've had the honour of meeting on tumblr.

John looks at the small flyer in his hand, it's bright colours crumpled from so many days inside his notebook, a smear in the ink where his water bottle had leaked and gotten all over his papers. The important details are still there. He has not excuse to miss this, except that he's too nervous to go. And Mike would never let him live that down. Misreading the date or time or location, that would be perfect. Too bad Mike knows when he's lying. And he promised he would go.

He checks himself one last time in the mirror before leaving the flat. Blue bottom down, cream jumper. Loose jeans and simple shoes. The sort of clothes that he wears everyday to class, so why does he feel like he's over dressed?

It's not like he's meeting a girl for a date or anything. It's a hang out, the flyer promises, just a hang out at the underground pub near the university campus. Open to all, and all welcome. Mike will get there later, and until then, John can just sit in the back corner and read his book. He doesn't have to do anything more. He's not going to do anything more. He won't even listen to the speakers. It's not like they're going to make him talk to anyone.

###

_"John? John Watson?"_

_It's the same words that Mike called out to him in the park, only a very different voice. Not a voice that he remembers and tries to ignore, but a voice that tickles the back of his mind with the promise that he's heard it somewhere. Fallen in love with it maybe, because his heart is already racing ahead with the non remembrance of it. He turns away from Sherlock, who is still staring at his microscope. Molly's new boyfriend, Jim. Nice looking chap. There's something about his hair that reminds John of university, but he can't pin it down. "Do I know you?"_

_The man laughs, and it's a chuckle that bypasses John's ears for his heart. Yes, he defiantly knows that voice. His pulse is a beating drum in his head. "We met in uni. Jim, remember? From Society Out?" He bits down a smile, as if John answering this question in the negative will break his heart._

_And John remembers._

###

His plan works. For a little while anyways.

There's the woman with long blond hair and tight leather jacket who comes over to say hi to him and "see if there's anything I can do to make your evening better", but when he politely mentions that his name is John, she backs right off. He can't tell if it's because there's still such a stigma, or because she isn't interest in men. Either way, it works to leave him alone. After her, a couple of folks cast him glances as if they might come over, but there's others more open to conversation and he's just a poof with a medical textbook. No one bothers him.

He glances up every so often to see if Mike's arrived. He knows Mike's shifts at the hospital, and the time it'll take him to get back to campus. As long as Mike sees him here, sees that he actually came, he'll be able to make his excuses and leave. That's all Mike wants. For him to "get out and meet some of the others."

"Good book?" He's been so focused on the knot of people at the door that he doesn't even notice the man sitting down next to him. There's enough room in the booth for that to happen, of course, and John's never been on to stay on his toes. "Med student then, are ya?"

"Ta." John sticks his bookmark in, and puts the book on the questionably clean table. "Can I help you?"

The man sticks out a leather clad hand and with a jolt of surprise at his own actions, John shakes it. "I make a point of talking to all the cuties who come to our meetings. Especially the shy ones." He winks, exposing glitter eyeshadow and black eyeliner. John thinks of the names of the bones in the hand. "So what's your story? Why aren't you up and about with all the rest?" The man's smile is intoxicating. No, not intoxicating, a drug. It's like a rush of morphine hitting his veins, rushing straight to his heart and talking away all the worry John had about the night and the pub and talking.

He breaks off his stare. "Not really that sort."

The man elbows him. "Ah come on, we're all sort here. No need to be scared."

"I'm not really scared, just..." He trails off, pitifully staring at the cover of his textbook.

"Not out then? It's alright, I won't ask to meet your folks."

###

_"Jim."_

_Jim grins, and the memories all come flooding back to John. "I knew it was you. No one else had that stoic smile when they're pretending to be interested." John sees Molly's eyebrows making a beeline for her hair line in the corner, and even Sherlock is looking up from his microscope. "Where have you been all these years?"_

_"Army," John answers plainly, and Jim stops grins. "Living in London now though."_

_"Well this has all been dreadfully interesting." Sherlock stands up in a flurry of coat and brash smile. "But there's a kidnapping case to be solved, and Anderson is probably ruining the crime scene. Again. Come along John." He leaves the lab as if it's the most ordinary thing in the world. John is only stopped from following him out the door by a gentle hand on his elbow._

_"Call me, when you get the chance."_

_John nods, and pockets the piece of paper._

###

His name is Jim, and he's the same age as John, though already working on his P.H.D. He wears black leather pants and a matching jacket and nothing else, just an exposed chest of pale skin that John longs to run his hands over. When he finally tells John his name, it's when they're half way up the stairs to Jim's flat and even then, it takes a dozen kisses along Jim's spine for John to pry it out of his lips. It's the furthest John has ever gone. It terrifies him, and Jim seems to see it in his eyes because he pulls back and tells John that whatever happens, he only needs to say it and they'll stop. "I don't want to scare you off Johnny boy. You're too good for the likes of me."

John likes the nickname. It gives him the confidence to grab the edges of Jim's jacket and pull him close once more, meeting open lips with a wet tongue and pulling Jim up the stairs after him. "I'm not scared, not anymore." Jim pulls his head away only to laugh along John's jaw and tickle his earlobe with his tongue.

"Good."

They run up the remaining steps, fumbling with corners and door handles and keys until they fall onto Jim's couch. John's half under Jim, who smells like smoke and tastes like whiskey and combs his fingers through John's hair like it's the most valuable thing that he's ever touched. "You're beautiful, Johnny."

John freezes. He doesn't mean to, he knows that Jim doesn't mean it like that and he isn't at home. But he can't stop his body from tensing at the words and dropping his hands from Jim's sides. His chest is rising and falling too rapidly, and he knows his heart isn't pounding from lust anymore.

"Johnny boy? John? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Don't...please, don't."

Jim slowly gets off him, sliding to the other side of the couch and putting his hands folded in his lap. "Don't what John? Talk to me, you're safe here. What don't you want me to do?"

John gulps, and it echoes back at him from all corners of the small room. "Call me that."

"Call you what?" Jim's dark eyes are round, questioning, a sort of searching flicker in them as if he could find the answer to his own question just by looking hard enough at John.

"Beautiful."

###

_John calls Jim later that evening, shortly after leaving the flat in a fit of rage. He needs someone who won't remind him of Sherlock, and even Mike does that at this point._

_He answers on the first ring."Jim here."_

_"Jim, it's uh, me. John."_

_"Johnny, how good to hear from you again. What can I do for you?"_

_"I was wondering if you wanted to have a pint together, just for old time's sake. Catch up on things."_

_"Tonight?"_

_"If you're free. I just, uh, need to get my mind of things."_

_"Of course, Johnny boy. I'm always free for you."_

###

John tells Jim in a half-whisper, feeling as if his voice is drowned out even by his own breath. About home and the Christmas parties and the endless line of dresses. About his mother's reassurances and the way his father would kiss his forehead. About Harry's promise that they'd be best of friends and always tell each other everything. About the screams and thrown glasses and the way his grandmother had looked at him when he told her he didn't want to wear dresses to the parties anymore and would she please stop buying them for him?

Jim listens to it all with those wide eyes and the drawn lips of a man who hates every syllable of every word that he's hearing. And at the end of it, he takes John's hands in his and kisses the back of each one.

"Handsome, Johnny boy. You're handsome."

###

_Jim's flat is as neat as the one John remembers, only so much larger and so much more impressive. He feels out of place amongst the modern art sculptures and the lush carpets. Jim's poured a third round of whiskey and John remembers that's how Jim tasted, of cigarettes and whiskey. His eyes still having that searching darkness to them. He looks as if he hasn't aged, for all the wrinkles around his eyes and the absence of liner. It's well into the night, and John thinks that Sherlock might be worried if he wasn't so obsessed with himself._

_"Did you get it then?"_

_John knows instantly what Jim is referring to, even though it's a complete change from what they were talking about before._

_"Can I see?"_

_He places his glass on the table. The half light from the floor lamp casts strange shadows on the carpet as he draws his jumper over his head. Jim accepts it from his hand silently. The button up, like the one he wore on that night so many years ago, is deep blue. His fingers shake as he undoes the final button. There's a long moment of hesitation during which John rests his fingers on the hem of his vest and Jim opens his mouth. John stops the unspoken words with a quick shake of his head. When he exposes his chest to the air, it's golden skin and pale scars, shadows from the lamp and streetlights, darker areas around his nipples. The two long scars across his chest stand as high contrast to the flower blossoming on his shoulder. It's like a modern art piece, some abstract design of scars and torn skin and mismatched colours that Jim might hang on his wall next to the Picasso._

_Jim holds his hand in the air as if he can touch John from where he is on the couch._

_"You're as handsome as ever, Johnny boy."_

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a smut one shot. Really, it was. Now I've got a whole universe rolling around inside my head and head canons and fanart designs and how Jim ignores the pool meet up and Sherlock gets really annoyed because he shows up at midnight and there's literally no one there. How when Sherlock learns Jim's last name, it's connected to a murder of a man who beat his trans son and Jim knew that he was slipping up but he just couldn't stop from doing it because all he could see was John's home life. And then Jim finds out that John hasn't come out to Sherlock because he doesn't want to do it on his own and Jim's there to support John when he finally does because cute boyfriend time!


End file.
